Narcissists and Empaths go together like Vecna and Eleven or The Emperor and Luke Skywalker or Agent Smith and Neo. I really hope you saw the pattern there. If you are an Empath, actively engaged with a narcissist, baby, run.
Narcissists feed on Empaths like, vampires. Frankly, I think Louis was the narcissist in Interview With The Vampire 1994, a covert narcissist who was perpetually the victim. Even though Lestat clearly gave Louis the choice to be a vampire or simply die Louis carried on for over a century whining and complaining as though he was damned and put upon when in truth he could have a) gone to a hospital and stolen blood b) just eaten horrible people (any vampire who can't handle eating a serial killer or pedo is a total loser IMO) c) just walked into the sunlight if he felt that strongly about it. Speaking to the movie particularly not the book nor the tv show, Lestat did a number of things to try to put Louis at ease with his (Louis') own personal choice to be a vampire but nothing was ever good enough. Then when Claudia, whom Lestat made for Louis, (whom Louis was grateful for yet somehow still simultaneously resentful about) tried to kill Lestat, Louis helped Claudia bury him and when Lestat reappeared Louis attempted to kill him again.
Hidden resentments, passive aggression and powerplays are par for the course with covert narcissists. self-victimization and martyrdom are the rule of the day as they take situations without conflict and create their own.
Signs of Covert Narcissistic are creating drama for drama's sake, for example, you're going to a party with your covertly narcissistic friend and you agree to meet at a certain time, you show up to the rendezvous spot and they aren't there, you call and text but don't hear anything from them, 45mins after the meet time you get a message from them saying that they didn't know they were supposed to meet you at that time and place and they weren't sure if the plans were solidified and they lost track of time or are sorry they missed you because they were looking forward to it. Another example would be someone who always has some sort of physical or mental issue every time you meet up with them, everything is fine until it's time to go your separate ways and then they are tired, or have a headache, or they're freezing or they are too exhausted to walk or travel.
Covert Narcissists like to set up situations to either cause worry or stress because their sense of self is so fragile they need a supply from others to reaffirm it, so they often find this supply in drama. A covert narcissist may puprosely put themselves in dangerous or untenable situations so that people will worry about them. They may suddenly “feel sick or have a headache” or other ailments to elicit worry for proof that other people care about them and proof that they matter. Because they do not have the wherewithal to self-regulate or self-validate all or the majority of emotional-regulation and validation comes from other people. Which means that they have no issue whatsoever draining you of all your energy and empathy if it means they receive their validaton because they haven't learned to emotionally regulate or validate themselves therefore other people's validation and regulation is crucial to their survival.
What does this mean for an Empath? It means that you are like an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet for them, which is why steering clear of them is absolutely vital to emotional, mental and physical health. Have you ever seen a couple where one of them has glowing skin, seems fit and looks healthy and the other looks like an exhausted, strung out blob? The chances that the person who looks healthy is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits and is feeding off the exhausted one are very very high. As long as a narcissist, whether covert, communal, grandiose or otherwise, has their supply source they will continue bopping along unhappily in their empathy-less world with no regard for others aside from the outward glamour necessary to mask their nefarious intentions. If you've had someone in your life with narcissism or narcissistic tendencies that is no longer around then be grateful they've moved on to another source of supply. We can't stop narcissism, we can't heal narcissists, we can't teach empathy, all we can do is make dang sure that their source of supply is not us. If you are the target of narcissistic abuse I am sending you love and validation and I want you to know that your gentle heart is needing and appreciated and a narcissistic person is in no way reflective of the kind of treatment you deserve. There is love for you out there and there ARE people who are ready and willing to support and care for you as much as you care for them. So love yourself hard, stay tough, stay loving, stay sweet and keep your boundaries tight.
xo